P.S. I Love You

"I bet you've had a hard time walking into a room full of people on your own, right? Yeah. I know that. I know what it is not to feel like your in the room until he looks at you or touches your hand or even makes a joke at your expense, just to let everyone know... you're with him. You're his." -Patricia from P.S. I Love You

So, I saw that movie this weekend.
It was a great movie.
My initial reaction was "I'm never getting married."

But after some thought, how could you live without that love? How could you have ever lived your life to the fullest if you never found the most important thing to you?

Now... I can't wait to find that kind of passion and romance.
All I need is the patience. :)

Issues.

I have an issue.
Yes, I realize the last blog was about problems... But I believe these are two very different words.
Issue, to me, is a permanent problem. One that could last forever.
Therefore... I have an issue. (Probably more than just one, but its not a time to dwell on that).

I lose things easily.
Things literally slip right through my fingers. Here one minute and gone the next.
It gets rather frustrating.
Especially when it isn't a material thing that was lost. (You can't even spend time physically looking for it--- not that i typically would. lol).

I've lost something. At one point in time, it was very, very valuable to me. I could even go as far to say irreplaceable.
I can't quite figure out what to do... whether "to cry because its over or smile because it happened." (<--- corny quote). But really, I assume that its for the best, but I can't seem to want to let go. To be so used to something for a long time and suddenly be to blame for the downfall?
Its incomprensible for me.
The reality of my loss has yet to hit me, but when it does... someone better be sitting around holding a box of kleenex for me....

Scarier yet... I don't know if I have that "someone" who would do that.
The person I lost might just be that "someone."

I have an issue.

Problems.

I have a problem.
To many people, that probably sounds like old news. And to some: no news at all, considering everyone has problems.
I realize this. But do you know that feeling when the whole world might be falling on your head and you don't even realize it because you are so consumed in thinking about that one thing or that one person? That's been me this past week.
Needlesstosay, its been a long week.

I have a feeling someone is trying to tell me something. What that is, I'm not fully aware yet, but I'm getting there.
I think the lesson I'm beginning to learn is that I am worth something. That various people might never realize that but as long as I know that... I'm all good.
I am learning to cope with my faults and rejoice with those things that I am good at.

I kind of like this whole liking myself deal. Its hard to get used to. But I'm realizing that it really doesn't matter what I think of myself or what others think either... just God's opinion. No matter how many times I fail myself and I fail other people... I still have a number one fan. One who I never have to prove myself to or do anything at all for that matter.

Its nice to know I have someone that powerful and loving on my side.
...Even when it feels like the whole rest of the world is against me.

Valentine's Day

Do you remember when Valentine's Day was just another excuse to have a party in elementary school? Where you would take time to make that special mailbox and assign different valentines to your classmates?
Obviously, like any good elementary student, I loved Valentine's Day back then. Everyone got the same amount of Valentines and the same amount of candy. It was kind of communistic in a way... Apparently today's society has strayed away from that. (That could possibly be a good thing :) ).
But really. What is Valentine's Day to people now?
As far as I have heard...
1) There are plenty of people that dread it. (I am in that category).
2) There are the girls/guys who have dreampt (sp?) about the perfect valentine for years.
3) There are the brokenhearted ones who can't get their minds off of how things could have been...
4) There are the people who celebrate it because they have to.
5) And there are those who thoroughly enjoy it.

What ends up happening to all these groups of people?
1) They continue to hate it and the whole point of the day backfires as they get put in a bad mood.
2) They get let down and have to keep dreaming of that perfect day.
3) They just cry. All day long.
4) It ruins the point because its a forced action to a natural emotion. They are told they HAVE to show love this one day and do so out of obligation.
5) I guess they end up happy... Unless their day is ruined and then they fall into categories 2-4.

The original purpose of this holiday was to supersede the pagan holiday of Lupercalia. (According to my relible source of Wikipedia :)). How ironic is it that a day originally put into place to end a demonic holiday... has turned into more of a pagan holiday. It isn't like we take time out of our Valentine's Day to worship God and show love to Christ.
The superficiality of this holiday takes the uniqueness and rarity out of the word love. Its ridiculous how overused that word is in our culture. There is no longer much meaning and intimateness behind it. (I do admit that I am guilty of overusing this word on more than one occation). Sometimes I wish that English had more than one word for love. In Hebrew... "LOVE" consists of three words. Ahava, Raya, and Dode. All combine to form the perfect love.
To me: Valentine's Day is not a good way to show a girl you love her. It is a good way to show obligation to her... But ask anyone. A girl would so much rather get flowers/chocolates/valentines on a random day of the year, rather than one where everyone else gets it.

Be unique. Don't overuse the word love. Show people you love them, instead of just doing it, ("Actions speak louder than words"- To be corny). Don't be pagan about this "holiday." Turn it into a chance to shine God's love to the rest of the world. Most importantly, love everyone, everyday. Not just on Valentine's Day. :)